Train of thought

*This morning was GORGEOUS! On our way to the park I said 'Wow! It is so nice out today.  It feels like summer, but it's winter.' To which Natalie replied 'Where's the snow?' ;-)  Just one of the perks of living on the central coast.  If I'm in the snow - it's because I'm on vacation and I WANT to be in the snow (...but I rarely WANT to be in the snow.)

*I started making calls today about the splash/water park...  Umm, this is not going to be easy.  I have to convince city counsel members that a new park is a good idea and worth the $$ it would take & get people to sign a petition saying that they want this as well.  I was informed that I might want to meet with each counsel member individually so it could be brought to the attention of each one, plus they could give me tips re: how to proceed.  I feel extremely unqualified.  And overwhelmed.  What the heck am I doing? :-/

*I have 4 loads of laundry to fold.  Do you know what that means?  It means that I've waited too long to fold laundry.  And if I've waited too long to fold laundry - then I'm sure there's another load of laundry ready to be washed.  What a vicious cycle.  Laundry & dishes.  Both vicious.  I should probably fold the clean clothes so hubby doesn't have to ask me 'Do I have any clean shirts downstairs?' every day.

*We've been watching White Collar.  It's a modern day crime show with a bit of an Ocean's 11 feel.  I love it.  Only red flag - Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani Thiessen) is in it.  But, I have to admit, she's actually pretty good.  And the blatant advertising for Ford is quite hysterical.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIFySyLynAk

Happy Monday!

Can I do it?

In August while we were visiting Josh's dad, we went to Central Park near his house in the Bay Area.  It was awesome. I actually remember coming to Central Park when I was little and I LOVED it.  Lots of shallow water to play in, streams to walk in.  As I sat there watching Miss N playing in the water I thought 'I wonder how hard it would be to get something like this built in our town?'  We live in a perfect place for this kind of park.  Good weather, lots of young families, and not many free outdoor activities provided (and lets face it - people with money to burn...)  So I started mulling it over with Josh.  It is something the families here would love!  However, I know it would be a long and vvveeerrryyy drawn out process with lots of red tape.  Do I want to spend a ton of time going to city meetings, looking for people to fund the project,  trying to convince a bunch of people in suits that it would be an amazing thing for the kids in this town (when I know they would rather spend it on yet another parking garage...)?  I think it's worth it.  I do.  But this kind of thing could take years. YEARS!  Am I dedicated enough for that?  I don't even know where to start.  It's actually a bit daunting.  But, how awesome would it be to have a free place where your kid(s)s (no, this is not a pregnancy announcement) were ALLOWED & ENCOURAGED to play in the water?!  True - we do have the beach a mere 15 min from us...but I don't always feel like dealing with sand everywhere (and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one...)

Anyone have thoughts or tips on how to get this kind of thing started?

 Oh - and I would LOVE to add one of those areas that have water randomly squirting out of the ground...purely for the kids, of course.  ;-)

Here are a few pictures of Central Park - San Ramon.  The pics don't do it justice.  And do you see the shade!!??  How glorious would it be to be able to sit in the shade and watch your kid play?  Not sure why the parks here are anti-shade.  But you can be sure that IF this whole 'water park' actually happens, there WILL be shade.  Priorities people.  Priorities.

Dentists are evil

We had to send hubby to Seattle for a few days.  We're all a bit bummed.  (Who's the genius that thought business trips would be a good idea?)  Without any prompting Natalie said 'I'm going to miss you so much Daddy.'  Poor guy held it together, but I'm pretty sure it broke his heart.  It's amazing what a little girl can do to her daddy's heart.  I said I was going to miss him so much too...but I don't think it had the same impact.  :-)  As we were driving to the airport Josh said 'I used to like going on business trips...'  Oh, how things have changed.

N and I have been keeping busy - making forts, painting, hanging out at the dollar section at Target (the girl could spend all.day.long there!!),  avoiding naps & dealing with a 'few' time outs.  And tomorrow we are heading up to see 'the neighbors'!!  (Pretty sure Miss N is going to be extremely confused about what a neighbor is...)  We are so excited about tomorrow!!

But today was rough.  I lost my wallet.  And I had to go to the dentist.  I LOATHE the dentist. (Plus it kinda sucks when you go to a new dentist with no wallet - no money, no insurance card.)  I have avoided the dentist for 2 years.  I actually fear the dentist.  Let me put it this way: I would rather have my 'lady appointment' every.single.day. for a year, than go to a dentist ONCE a year.  Yeah.  It's that bad.  The last time I went to the dentist I got nitrous oxide (laughing gas) and it was AWESOME!!  So, when I was looking for a new dentist I made sure they did sedation.  Well, turns out this guy doesn't do laughing gas...and he couldn't sedate me cause I need to take the drugs on an empty stomach.  Seriously??  Just club me over the head!!  I don't care how I'm knocked out. I just don't want to hear or feel anything!!  So today...I cried (more like quietly weeping as tears streamed down my face.)  In front of the dental hygienist.  And then in front of the dentist.  So awkward.  And I totally understand if you just lost all respect for me.  Needless to say - I'll be going back when I can be blissfully unaware of my situation.  Oh, how I miss you nitrous oxide...  So, yeah.  I'm a wuss.

On a positive note: some awesome Target employee found my wallet!! 

So, in summary: we miss our man.  i'm a sissy when it comes to dental work.  and Target is amazing.

DATE NIGHT!

Tonight I get to go on a date with this handsome devil. It's been a while - what with the plague going on in our house & all...
I'm back on my WW points (it is the ONLY thing that works for me!) so I think we'll be going out for some Thai food. :-)
*these pics were taken about a month before we got married. can you tell how much he LOVES taking pictures? ;-)

Contentment & Health - A bit of reality

About a years worth of thoughts....in one blog post. Here it goes:

About a year ago I was hit hard with anxiety & panic attacks. I had dealt with anxiety & depression when I was a teen and again after N was born, but I thought everything was under control. When I'm depressed & anxious - I eat. And eat. And eat. What can I say? I'm an emotional eater. 2011 was a rough year. I had been gaining weight for a while, but 2011 pushed me over the edge. I was angry for letting myself get to this point. I kept thinking that once I lost a certain number of lbs then I would be happy with myself again. I thought all of this discontent with my body was a fairly new thing - until Josh asked me one day 'Do you really think you'll be happier if you lose weight? You weren't happy with yourself when we were dating or before Natalie was born... I don't care if you lose weight or gain weight. I just want you to be happy with YOU.' Wow. I hadn't realized just how long I had been critical of myself. I look back at wedding pictures and think 'Oh, if only I looked like that again!' And to know that, when I looked like I did 6 years ago, I wasn't happy with my image - I cringe

I keep going back to Josh's question. Will I really be happier when I weigh less? No. I don't think I will. At least not for that reason. Will I be healthier? Absolutely.

I need to stop believing the lies that I tell myself. Josh DOES love me no matter what I weigh. And I need to trust him when he says that. When I doubt him - I hurt both of us. (And I guess the same goes for God. If He loves me and MADE ME - then why should I be critical of his work?) I CAN accomplish the goals I have for myself. But most of all, I need to be content with myself. Right now. Not later.

I'm going to have to 'reprogram' my thinking - how I see food, what I see when I look in the mirror, how I think others view me.

So, my goals this year are contentment and health. Not exactly easy.

My white blood cells are on vacation - so I'm on the couch.

I'm beginning to feel like a bit of a leaper. November brought bronchitis and a sinus infection. December brought the same. January decided to mix it up a bit with Shingles. I'm starting to think I should take bets for February's illness.

I'm having a hard time. I know that sounds silly because people are going through much worse, but it is so frustrating. I want so badly to be able to take care of my family. That's my job - and I can't do it properly right now. Poor hubby has to work all day, then take care of everything when he gets home. I know it's hard on Natalie too. I desperately want to get back to our routine. I guess I'm just learning that I don't have control (although I'm ready to say 'Ok Lord. I get it. I'm not in control. Now can I get better?' ...is that horrible?) So, if you're the praying type, I'd love some prayer for a quick recovery. :-)

On a more positive note - here are some random things I've learned over the past few months while being sick:
*I am incredibly grateful for family that is nearby and ready to help out...a lot!
*Stoned Wheat Thins are quite delicious.
*I would much rather have bronchitis than shingles.
*My kiddo loves me! I guess I don't really see it that much when I'm healthy 'cause I'm always around her, but when I'm sick she runs to see me after being away all day and cuddles with me on the couch. Apparently absence makes her heart grow fonder. :-)
*My husband is amazing - works all day, comes home to a disheveled house & no dinner, plays with the kiddo, puts her to bed, cleans up and finally collapses on the couch. The man definitely deserves some time off when I am 100% again!
*Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution is awesome! If you haven't seen it, you need to. It's on Hulu.
*You can go through Gone with the Wind pretty quick when you're sick.
*I enjoy the British mini-series. Who knew? Daniel Deronda & North & South. Loved them both.