Rollercoaster of emotions - the beginning

We got some dishes at an antique store and had a little
'Tea Party'.  Chocolate Milk for her, Starbucks for me. :-)

First time getting our nails done together at a salon! We
had matching toes. 

Where to start?  It's been so long.  

I guess the big news is that we are hoping to go from The Three Tangs to The Four (or more?) Tangs.  We have decided that adoption is the best way to expand our family.   It was not an easy decision - at least for me.  You see - I kept telling myself that *once I lost weight I could get pregnant again* and *once my meds were in order we could try for another*, but in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't a good idea.  I've dealt with depression/anxiety for a long time now.  It's nothing new - I guess I'm just learning how to handle it better now.  So how did I make the switch from birth to adoption?  The hubs.  Naturally.  He told me what I needed to hear.  What I knew to be true, but didn't want to admit.  Switching meds, getting pregnant, being    

emotional on top of my regular emotional self, dealing with post pardum depresssion - it just wasn't the right decision.  During a road trip he gently said 'I've been thinking about this for a while now, but I didn't want to tell you because I knew it would be hard for you....but I really don't think you should get pregnant again.'  It was the *painful* kick in the pants I needed.  Yes - I could go through all that again, but it would be purely for selfish reasons.  Maybe pride?  That's what woman are supposed to do.  Why couldn't my body handle it!?  But somehow in that moment I KNEW he was right.  I finally admitted to myself what I had known for a while.  And I had waves of emotion.  *Relief - knowing that my body wouldn't have to go through all that again.  

*Grief - coming to grips with the fact that I will never birth another child.  

*Joy - we're going to be bringing another child into our family!

*Fear - what if adoption agencies don't accept me 

because of my depression/anxiety.  

This girl can even have fun at the DMV!

We are excited (and overwhelmed by all the paperwork) to start this journey.  I am still working through the reality of not giving birth to another child - but we are excited for this next step.  Natalie is so excited to have a little brother or sister!! At first she said she wanted a 'Baby brother.  But one that doesn't cry.  Except if he's hurt.' (That's a tall order!)  But now she just wants someone to play with.  :-)
A few basics about our adoption:
*we are set up with a local agency and are simultaneously pursing fos-adopt and domestic (relinquishments).  we shall see what presents its self first.
*we are open to boy or girl
*we are open to siblings (2)
*our preference is a child younger than Natalie

This is just the beginning of a long and emotional process.  Please pray for peace, perseverance and faith that whatever is supposed to happen will happen.