Friday, May 25, 2012

Rollercoaster of emotions - the beginning

We got some dishes at an antique store and had a little
'Tea Party'.  Chocolate Milk for her, Starbucks for me. :-)

First time getting our nails done together at a salon! We
had matching toes. 
Where to start?  It's been so long.  

I guess the big news is that we are hoping to go from The Three Tangs to The Four (or more?) Tangs.  We have decided that adoption is the best way to expand our family.   It was not an easy decision - at least for me.  You see - I kept telling myself that *once I lost weight I could get pregnant again* and *once my meds were in order we could try for another*, but in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't a good idea.  I've dealt with depression/anxiety for a long time now.  It's nothing new - I guess I'm just learning how to handle it better now.  So how did I make the switch from birth to adoption?  The hubs.  Naturally.  He told me what I needed to hear.  What I knew to be true, but didn't want to admit.  Switching meds, getting pregnant, being    
emotional on top of my regular emotional self, dealing with post pardum depresssion - it just wasn't the right decision.  During a road trip he gently said 'I've been thinking about this for a while now, but I didn't want to tell you because I knew it would be hard for you....but I really don't think you should get pregnant again.'  It was the *painful* kick in the pants I needed.  Yes - I could go through all that again, but it would be purely for selfish reasons.  Maybe pride?  That's what woman are supposed to do.  Why couldn't my body handle it!?  But somehow in that moment I KNEW he was right.  I finally admitted to myself what I had known for a while.  And I had waves of emotion.  *Relief - knowing that my body wouldn't have to go through all that again.  
*Grief - coming to grips with the fact that I will never birth another child.  
*Joy - we're going to be bringing another child into our family!
*Fear - what if adoption agencies don't accept me 
because of my depression/anxiety.  

This girl can even have fun at the DMV!
We are excited (and overwhelmed by all the paperwork) to start this journey.  I am still working through the reality of not giving birth to another child - but we are excited for this next step.  Natalie is so excited to have a little brother or sister!! At first she said she wanted a 'Baby brother.  But one that doesn't cry.  Except if he's hurt.' (That's a tall order!)  But now she just wants someone to play with.  :-)
A few basics about our adoption:
*we are set up with a local agency and are simultaneously pursing fos-adopt and domestic (relinquishments).  we shall see what presents its self first.
*we are open to boy or girl
*we are open to siblings (2)
*our preference is a child younger than Natalie

This is just the beginning of a long and emotional process.  Please pray for peace, perseverance and faith that whatever is supposed to happen will happen.





9 comments:

Our Life Together said...

Oh Stephanie!!!! I am so excited for you because we are going through this journey right now :). We decided on adoption last August and it's been a very long and emotional journey. Our baby girl will be born June 22nd in Wisconsin. We are over the moon. It's such a rush of excitement, fear and any other emotion. And the home study people will have no problem with your depression/anxiety as long as you have it under control. I had some issues and the addressed them and addressed our solutions.

I am so so excited for you, Josh, and Natalie. If you have any questions or just need someone to talk to you about this please, please don't hesitate to call me or text me. I'm so excited to hear about your journey.

Sheila (805) 440-1648

Jen W said...

Exciting news! Joe and I were just thinking about you guys the other day and wondering what you were up to.

Good luck with everything!

Shannon said...

Wow! So exciting!! Sounds like this has been a difficult journey for you and Josh...but I SO appreciate hearing what you've been up to friend. I'll be praying for the next steps of the adoption!

Mallory said...

What an exciting journey for you three {and nervewracking and stressful and hopeful, I'm sure!}

Isn't it wonderful that we've been blessed with husbands who know our hearts and know how to talk to us when we need it?

So excited to share your journey with you! And thanks for the new Natalie pics! :-)

Stephanie Tang said...

Thanks for all the love! I'll try to update soon...as we've had a few changes.

Sheila - that is so exciting! Congrats! I will call you soon!

Nini said...

You are fantastic parents and there are some amazing kiddos that NEED people like you to love them, embrace them, be THEIR parents. Thanks for your honesty and more importantly, THANK YOU for giving some child(ren) a chance at a lovely life that they might not ever have had if you guys didn't adopt!

God knew before the beginning of time exactly what your family will look like and exactly who He will bring to you guys. I think your new child(ren) will teach you heaps! Can't wait to meet him/her/them and we are so excited to pray with you through this journey!

William Duncan said...

Great photos and well written post.

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